I always thought getting older meant getting calmer, More grounded. More "sure of myself." But here I am at 40... & sometimes the smallest change can completely throw me off.
A new routine
A different plan
Even moving the furniture around
Or deciding to switch up my hair
It doesn't matter how tiny it is - my chest tightens, my brain spirals & suddenly I'm overwhelmed, anxious & feeling like I've lost every bit of control I had.
For years, I thought "Why am I like this? Other people just... deal. Why does change hit me like a tidal wave?" Then ADHD entered the chat - & suddenly it all made sense.
ADHD BRAINS CRAVE STRUCTURE THEY CAN PREDICT -
Even if we look chaotic from the outside, we cling to familiarity, Routine & what we know. Because predictability gives our nervous system a sense of safety.
Change - even good change - removes the familiar anchor.
CHANGE = 10,000 NEW VARIABLES -
Neurotypical brains adapt. ADHD brains analyse, overthink, catastrophise, imagine every possible scenario... all at once. It's not drama, It's litterally our brain processing everything instead of filtering out the important stuff.
OUR EMOTIONAL REGULATION IS WIRED DIFFERENTLY -
When something shifts, our emotional response is dialled up to 100. We don't have the internal brakes other people seem to have. So instead of "Ok, this is different but we'll adapt" We get "This is too much, I don't know what's happening, I'm not ok"
That can feel - Overwhelming - Disorienting - Like losing control of your own mind
MASKING MADE IT WORSE -
We spent YEARS pretending to be "easygoing"
The chill friend
The flexible one
The "just go with the flow" type.
But inside? Every small change felt like the floor moved under us. When you've masked for decades, hitting 40 feels like taking off a costume you didn't know you were wearing.
NOW I UNDERSTAND MYSELF - & IT'S CHANGING EVERYTHING -
Yes, I still get overwhelmed
Yes, change still makes my heart race
Yes, even tiny chnages can feel massive in my body
But now I have compassion for myself instead of shame.
Now I know - It's neurological, It's not my fault - I'm not "too much" - I'm not dramatic - I'm not broken!
I'm just wired differently - & I'm finally learning how to live in a brain I spent 40 years fighting.
This is the part of ADHD nobody talks about. The emotional weight of change, The way it shakes your inner safety, The way it makes you question who you are.
But you're not alone!
If change overwhelms you too ... it's not weakness. It's not failure, It's your nervous system doing the best it can with the wiring it's got. The more we understand that, the less the world feels like something we have to "keep up with" & the more it becomes something we can navigate at our own pace.
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